what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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