Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
