I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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