I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
