I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
