Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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