she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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