Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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