she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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