You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
