why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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