We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
