Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you had me at cake vodka
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
