Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
