my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
