just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
