it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
