adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
