When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
