Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
