I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
