Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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