Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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