It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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