your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
