oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
