Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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