he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
