When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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