Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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