I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
