for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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