I'm so fucking centered right now
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
