so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
