oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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