We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
