God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
