Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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