This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
