We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
