does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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