I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
