Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
home. puking in laundry basket.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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