Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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