you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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