so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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