I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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