the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
