I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
