This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
