im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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