I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
