she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
