oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
