Will you blow on my dice?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
