the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
